Stuck

I’m having a moment in my life where I don’t really know what I want or who I am.

Caught between wanting to stay at home to mother and wanting to work, but not just “work” wanting to work for myself, to write, to share, to connect and make others feel seen.

I catch myself sometimes feeling as though I’m being ungrateful, for this time at home, for this time with the kids, and then other times I feel like I’m being taken for granted, for being home, for being with the kids.

The line between feeling selfish for wanting more and feeling as though more is deserved and earned can sometimes be blurry. All the sacrifices we make and that are made on our behalf can often feel heavy, loading us down until we feel like whichever direction we step, we will trip under the weight.

I’ve walked this earth for 39 years. Most of those years dedicated to others, to the wants and needs of those around me. As I grow older my ability to find my peace in serving is diminishing . But also my comfort with being

served is growing thin. The crossroads of doing for others and doing for myself.

My time is now.

But it’s really always been.

Whichever direction I choose.

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