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A few of my many before and during photos. I’ll never stop.

I used to freaking love transformation photos. Shit, I still love transformation photos. Show me all your transformation photos. Be proud of your after, but be just as proud of your before.

We don’t have to be pro diet, or pro fuck dieting. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO PICK SIDES. You can be peacefully neutral. Working on losing weight is not the 2019-2020 latest addition the the 7 deadly sins list. You can and should love the body you have, but you don’t have to pretend you don’t want to work on changing it.

What you should do is research, and plan for a LOT of time healing, and working on the inside structure and the foundation. Release the expectations. Do not let the transformation photos be your guide for how much you love your body, just use them as clinical data.

I plan to have more before and after transformation photos. It doesn’t negate the love I’ve learned to give myself. It doesn’t downplay all the time spent working on the really hard part of the journey, the mental and the emotional. I want to show I will never give up, not again.

I celebrate all those photos above, because above all else, they show a woman that no matter how many times she failed, she keeps going after it.

So show me your before and during and after. Because I want to celebrate the person you were at all stages. Even if you gained it back, but are starting a new journey. You didn’t let the set back stop you, not this time. And that is the true before and after.

What I can’t say.

I want to say I’m doing well

I want to say I’m handling it.

I want to say it’s been an overwhelming joy to be home with my family.

I want to say it’s made us closer.

I want to say that while it’s had it’s moments, it’s been mostly ok.

I can’t say any of those things though. Not while keeping honesty in my heart.

It’s been really hard. It’s been mostly me trying to keep my head above water, homeschooling, mothering, cooking, cleaning, crying at night.

It’s been mostly screen time and separation, older kids in their own worlds and me battling a bored toddler.

It’s been great intentions in the morning, and complete exhaustion by the evening.

So no, I’m not doing well. We are not closer, or stronger, or more of a cohesive unit.

But that’s ok. Life isn’t always about thriving in the face of dark times, sometimes it’s just getting through them.