Does my body make you uncomfortable?
I ask, because for the longest time, bodies like mine made me squirm.
I was so programmed to believe that larger bodies were unhealthy, disgusting, to be feared.
I wanted to separate myself so desperately from “that body”.
I was fat and fat phobic. Seems like the ultimate contradiction, but it’s the reality for many people in larger bodies.
Then I learned, unlearned, sat with my hatred and uncomfort.
Realized that hating mine and other bodies so deeply wasn’t going to rid me of extra weight.
It wasn’t going to separate me from “them”.
It tore me up, and made me hurt.
Hurting and hating doesn’t bring peace, success, joy.
It’s just hurting and hating.
It’s just pain.
Pain that has no place here anymore.