Up until a few years ago, I felt like people treated me like a child, or that I was looked at as less mature because of my larger body.
As if the state of my body was a measure for my ability to “adult”, the larger it was, the less capable I was.
It felt as though I wasn’t completely in control of my life, because I was heavier, like I couldn’t be taken seriously because of how I looked.
I often stopped caring about myself completely because it felt like I just didn’t have the ability or maturity.
It was bullshit. I projected how I felt about myself, often assuming others felt the same way.
I closed so many doors, gave up so many opportunities because I let myself believe I didn’t deserve it. After all, I couldn’t even maintain my weight, how could I excel in anything?
I spun a tale of woe, like no one believed in me, truth being, I never truly believed in myself.
I still sometimes feel like I don’t have my shit together, and it’s flashing over my head like a neon sign. And you know what, I probably don’t have it all figured out, but I know now it’s not because of my body.
My size isn’t measure of my maturity or ability (this is me, reiterating that to myself!).