When the body acceptance and self love movement really started to gain traction and became more talked about on social media, I fell deeply in love with the messages.
I wanted so badly to look at my body and love it, to feel what the people spreading the messages felt, to know absolute peace within myself.
When that didn’t happen for me, despite wanting it so badly to the point of forcing it, I felt like a failure.
Once again, I couldn’t live up to this new expectation.
I had failed at getting and staying thin, and now I was failing at loving my body at it’s current state.
I had gone from being envious of those in smaller bodies, to being envious of those that could just happily exist in theirs.
Boy, was I going about it wrong… so, SO wrong.
First, I let comparison be the motivator.
Second, I thought the way to freedom and self love was by learning to love my body unconditionally, every single day, all it’s scars and flaws, it’s rolls.
I’ve learned now, that no one is at the peak of this journey. No one lives life completely free of self hate and bad body image days.
I’ve also learned that I’m not going to love my body every single day. I’m not always going to run my fingers over my stretch marks and smile knowing they’re there because of my babies, or because I lived for the moment and not the pant size. That’s just not reality.
I now appreciate my body, for its life, it’s breath, it’s heart full of love… every single day.
I’ve let go of the idea that if I don’t love the way my body is right now, I’ve failed, because appreciating it always is better than faking love when I just don’t feel it.